WHY MY DEPRESSION IS DIRECTLY LINKED TO MY SOCIAL MEDIA ADDICTION
the other morning I decided to delete my twitter app from my phone. I don't know how long I'll go without twitter, maybe a few days, maybe a few weeks, but my friends all asked if I was okay when I told them that I wouldn't see any of their DM's on twitter. me deleting twitter from my phone? something must not be right.
My parents and the two therapists I use to see have told me that they think I'm addicted to social media. obviously, every addiction is unhealthy. however, I never believed them. how could they understand social media when they grew up in a completely different time than me? they don't understand that social media is how I stay caught up with my "friends" and communicate with others. In my years living under my parent's roof, they would take my phone away when I was in trouble, and I would have absolutely no idea what to do with my time when I couldn't check up on tweets, posts, and snapchats, but I'd find stuff to do and I'd end up realizing life isn't that bad without my phone. now that I've moved to college and am living on my own, my phone's role in my life has completely changed. There's no one who can take it away from me and make me take a break from it anymore.
I've finally realized and accepted: I am addicted to social media.
my phone has been my support system these past three months since I moved away from all my friends and family back home. it has been what I've leaned on to feel safe. one day I forgot my phone during my classes, and I had anxiety the entirety of geology and SSC. how could I go three hours without seeing what my "friends" were tweeting? Pretty ridiculous, I know.
I keep putting parentheses around "friends" because the majority of the people I follow on twitter and Instagram I have never met in my life and I highly doubt I ever will. on Instagram I follow successful bloggers, photographers, and videographers. on twitter I follow random accounts that have to do with Disney, or memes, etc. None of these accounts should have an impact on me. oh, wait, but they do. because I have let them all impact me. I scroll through Instagram and twitter wishing I was in Norway on an adventure, wishing I had a Mercedes-benz g-wagon, and wishing I had 53k followers. Everyone looks so cool on Instagram. everyone seems so funny on twitter. "why can't my hilarious tweet get 100 retweets!?" I scroll through my social media comparing myself to all of these people that I don't even know. and then, I take the negative energy that that builds up to produce even more negative energy.
I spend hours thinking about how my Instagram and twitter look, planning out my next posts, and then deleting posts if they didn't get as many likes as I want. because, if I don't look good online I must not be cool in real life, huh? I'm so glad I finally got mentally exhausted from doing this and the other morning when I could barely get out of bed because of this and realized I am addicted to social media and I need to change, I started asking myself why all of this happens. and I remembered something my mom told me a few months ago.
people only post about the good things in their life. people rarely post about the bad. so, as you're scrolling through your phone, you're seeing all these beautiful people going on amazing vacations and you can't help but want that as well. but, I guarantee, when you post your photo from your cruise, people are going to think that same thing about you. We're all just creating a never-ending cycle of envy and wants by posting only our ups online.
the internet is a way for people to put on a persona and be who they want to be. the internet is a way for people to make it seem like they have a perfect life. The internet is a way for people to get away with deception.
I want my future career to be in social media, so if that is going to happen, I have to find a way to go about that healthily. and I think I've figured out how I'm going to do that.
first, I'm going to start turning off my phone or leaving it at home or in my car. The saying "smell the roses" or whatever it is. yep, that's what I'm going to be doing for now on.
second, I'm going to share my struggles online. No, facebook is not going to become my pastor or my journal, but I am a real human being. and I'm going to start focusing on not caring that my life isn't perfect.
third, I give up on aesthetics. for now on, I don't care that my Instagram photos all fit together perfectly and look great. only two weeks ago I made a YouTube video talking about how important aesthetics are on your feed. well, I take that back, because worrying about Instagram is not worth it in the slightest.
fourth, I'm unfollowing people that don't bring me happiness. I'm all about good vibes and loving everyone, but I follow way too many people I really don't care about and who's posts, frankly, piss me off. So, I'm unfollowing. I'm going through all my social media and cleansing my friend base. people aren't worth your unhappiness... particularly, people's accounts aren't worth your unhappiness. it's great to have bloggers, youtubers, etc. that you love keeping up with. and there's several I'm going to continue to follow. but, for a lot of them, I'm making that follow button blue again.
and lastly, I'm still going to post as much as I want. because this realization that I'm addicted to social media isn't about not participating in it anymore. and I love sharing my ideas with others and listening to others ideas. that brings me happiness. these new goals are all about changing my mentality and attitude towards social media. so, when I post something for now on it's going to be because I want to share it with others for good purpose, not because I want to stay in the social media competition. life is way too short to give any energy to that.
I'm glad I've finally realized this and in the short few days I haven't been on twitter, I've felt a difference. I hope when I get twitter back it will be different this time. I'm literally terrified of it being the same way.
if you notice your use of social media is contributing to your depression or being unhealthy in anyway, I hope you'll take a step back and realize what reality is: the photo you just double tapped on Instagram or the beautiful world underneath your feet. I'm glad I've finally began to figure it out.
xoxo, Kelvin McKay Findlay
I've finally realized and accepted: I am addicted to social media.
my phone has been my support system these past three months since I moved away from all my friends and family back home. it has been what I've leaned on to feel safe. one day I forgot my phone during my classes, and I had anxiety the entirety of geology and SSC. how could I go three hours without seeing what my "friends" were tweeting? Pretty ridiculous, I know.
I keep putting parentheses around "friends" because the majority of the people I follow on twitter and Instagram I have never met in my life and I highly doubt I ever will. on Instagram I follow successful bloggers, photographers, and videographers. on twitter I follow random accounts that have to do with Disney, or memes, etc. None of these accounts should have an impact on me. oh, wait, but they do. because I have let them all impact me. I scroll through Instagram and twitter wishing I was in Norway on an adventure, wishing I had a Mercedes-benz g-wagon, and wishing I had 53k followers. Everyone looks so cool on Instagram. everyone seems so funny on twitter. "why can't my hilarious tweet get 100 retweets!?" I scroll through my social media comparing myself to all of these people that I don't even know. and then, I take the negative energy that that builds up to produce even more negative energy.
I spend hours thinking about how my Instagram and twitter look, planning out my next posts, and then deleting posts if they didn't get as many likes as I want. because, if I don't look good online I must not be cool in real life, huh? I'm so glad I finally got mentally exhausted from doing this and the other morning when I could barely get out of bed because of this and realized I am addicted to social media and I need to change, I started asking myself why all of this happens. and I remembered something my mom told me a few months ago.
people only post about the good things in their life. people rarely post about the bad. so, as you're scrolling through your phone, you're seeing all these beautiful people going on amazing vacations and you can't help but want that as well. but, I guarantee, when you post your photo from your cruise, people are going to think that same thing about you. We're all just creating a never-ending cycle of envy and wants by posting only our ups online.
the internet is a way for people to put on a persona and be who they want to be. the internet is a way for people to make it seem like they have a perfect life. The internet is a way for people to get away with deception.
I want my future career to be in social media, so if that is going to happen, I have to find a way to go about that healthily. and I think I've figured out how I'm going to do that.
first, I'm going to start turning off my phone or leaving it at home or in my car. The saying "smell the roses" or whatever it is. yep, that's what I'm going to be doing for now on.
second, I'm going to share my struggles online. No, facebook is not going to become my pastor or my journal, but I am a real human being. and I'm going to start focusing on not caring that my life isn't perfect.
third, I give up on aesthetics. for now on, I don't care that my Instagram photos all fit together perfectly and look great. only two weeks ago I made a YouTube video talking about how important aesthetics are on your feed. well, I take that back, because worrying about Instagram is not worth it in the slightest.
fourth, I'm unfollowing people that don't bring me happiness. I'm all about good vibes and loving everyone, but I follow way too many people I really don't care about and who's posts, frankly, piss me off. So, I'm unfollowing. I'm going through all my social media and cleansing my friend base. people aren't worth your unhappiness... particularly, people's accounts aren't worth your unhappiness. it's great to have bloggers, youtubers, etc. that you love keeping up with. and there's several I'm going to continue to follow. but, for a lot of them, I'm making that follow button blue again.
and lastly, I'm still going to post as much as I want. because this realization that I'm addicted to social media isn't about not participating in it anymore. and I love sharing my ideas with others and listening to others ideas. that brings me happiness. these new goals are all about changing my mentality and attitude towards social media. so, when I post something for now on it's going to be because I want to share it with others for good purpose, not because I want to stay in the social media competition. life is way too short to give any energy to that.
I'm glad I've finally realized this and in the short few days I haven't been on twitter, I've felt a difference. I hope when I get twitter back it will be different this time. I'm literally terrified of it being the same way.
if you notice your use of social media is contributing to your depression or being unhealthy in anyway, I hope you'll take a step back and realize what reality is: the photo you just double tapped on Instagram or the beautiful world underneath your feet. I'm glad I've finally began to figure it out.
xoxo, Kelvin McKay Findlay
